


Our Last Day With The Monkeys

by Writeonthrough (Schroederplayspiano)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Birthday, Brain Injury, Canon Compliant, F/M, Recovery, post 1x22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-07 00:05:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6775819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schroederplayspiano/pseuds/Writeonthrough
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Fitz recovers from his brain injury, Jemma takes him to see monkeys for his birthday in hopes of cheering him up. Whether she succeeds or not will prove life changing for both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our Last Day With The Monkeys

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ifwehadamonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifwehadamonkey/gifts).



“T-the zoo-o?” Fitz looked up at the sign above him rather than his best friend standing next to him. Half a dozen questions formed in his mind, some about the ethical problems they both had with the concept of zoos in general and others about why Jemma had decided to take him to the zoo at all on today, of all days.

But he knew he couldn’t express any of the questions he had. So, he didn’t try.

Jemma noted the disapproval on his face and her body tensed. “Well, there’s no lab with monkeys close the base. I checked. Fitz.” She waited for him to look in her direction. It took longer than she was comfortable with, but life demanded that from her these days and she did her best to accept it. “I wanted to take you to see the monkeys on your birthday, Fitz. Just you and me and the monkeys. I don’t remember the last day we spent just the two of us.”

“W-why?”

Jemma blinked at him and sighed. She turned to the entry’s ticket taker and handed him two tickets, pushing through the metal bar that counted the zoo’s visitors for the day. As she turned to watch Fitz do the same, thoughts raced through her head.

_Why? Why what? Why couldn’t she remember the last day they had alone together? Why did she want to spend the day just the two of them? Did he really not know——? Or why did she take him to see the monkeys at all? Or why did she take him here on his birthday as opposed to another day?_

_Why what?_

Jemma adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder and leaned closer to Fitz as he approached her. “You know, if you don’t want to be here we can leave. It’s your birthday, we don’t have to anything you don’t want to do.”

Fitz stepped back. She had offended him again. These days it seemed like there was nothing Fitz actually wanted to do.

“N-no.” Fitz finally looked at her. Their eyes met for the first time in days. Jemma searched the deep blue of his eyes, hoping to find all the words he wanted to say in them. All she found was confusion. “It’s f-fine.” He broke their connection, looked down a path added, “Let’s go-o,” before trudging off.

Jemma stayed put. She watched the distance between them increase until she couldn’t bare to anymore. “But Fitz,” she called out. “The monkeys are that way!” She pointed in the opposite direction.

When he turned around, Jemma noticed his hand held to his chest. It was shaking again—probably from nerves more than anything else. She wished he would let it shake out instead of him trying to suppress the movement, but she knew better than to suggest coping strategies again.

As he walked passed her, Jemma could not suppress the urge to touch him. She reached her hand out to Fitz’s good shoulder and waited for him to turn back to her.

He starred at her blankly.

“Unless, you know, you don’t want to see the monkeys. In that case, we can see the,” she looked back at a sign, “Snakes instead.”

“F-fitz l-loves monk-keys,” he said. There he went, referring to himself in the third person again. Jemma closed her eyes at the hospital flashbacks. When she looked at him again, she realized the fake smile he put on was worse. It was too wide. It didn’t fit his face.

Without another word, he continued walking past her. This time in the monkeys’ direction.

Jemma wanted to scream. A strange urge came over her as she felt the need to slap him—to wake him, to snap him out of it. She was fine with the stuttering and the shaking and the quietness. What she had a problem with was the fact that he wasn’t himself. He was doing everything he could not to be.

Jemma caught up with him. She turned to look at him. He didn’t turn back. Jemma parted her lips to speak.

_‘You know, I pretty sure your type of brain damage can’t actually change your personality.’_

_‘What do you want, Jemma?’_

_‘I want my Fitz back.’_

_‘I’m not your Fitz.’_

What she actually said was, “Did you talk to your Mum today?”

“No.”

“Why not? She didn’t call you for your birthday?”

Fitz sighed with exhaustion. “I-I d-don’t lik-ke t-tak-king o-on t-the p-phone.”

Jemma nodded slowly as if she should’ve known that. “Well, there’s always Skype, right? Maybe we could try a video call tonight, together.”

Fitz stopped in his tracks to send daggers at her through his eyes.

She flinched, but did her best to ignore him. As she walked ahead, she heard an, “ah-arg,” behind her and whipped around to see Fitz tripping over himself.

Jemma grabbed his arm before he fell over. Once steadied, Fitz jerked away from her.

“What—” _happened. What happened, Fitz? Why won’t you let me help you?_

“S-stupid-d S-hoe-elac-ces.” Fitz explained as he kneeled down.

“Oh,” Jemma said and tucked a long hair strand behind her ear. She had a strong suspicion that he knew his laces were untied for quite some time but he refused to do anything or say anything about it.

Biting her lip, Jemma watched him attempt to tie the shoelaces. He would manage to make one loop before losing his grip on the noodle-like strings. One knot would be tied and then he couldn’t pick up the end of the string because his hands were shaking so much.

Her cold hand covered his warm one before she had fully bent down. Fitz relaxed as she tied the laces for him.

In a softer voice than he had used all day, he said, “I-I s-shoud-dn’t h-have w-wo-orn t-the-ese s-sho-oes.”

“You wanted to wear your favorite shoes for your birthday.” Jemma explained empathetically.

“N-no!” His voice raised again. “N-no!”

Jemma squeezed her eyelids shut at the noise. When she finished the knot, she dropped her head for a moment before standing.

Surprising her, Fitz stepped closer to her. He pointed down to his feet. “I. S-shouldn’t. Have. Wo-orn. The-ese. S-shoes. T-today.”

Jemma’s expression softened. She reached for him as soon as he could, not bothering to fight the urge not to and raise her palms to his cheeks. Her thumbs stroked the skin she had shaved for him yesterday. “Okay, Fitz.”

Fitz and Jemma stood together for a moment. As much as he hated it, Fitz knew he loved the feel of her hands on his face. Their softness comforted him.

Neither of them knew how long they stood together. Neither remembered how or when they started walking again. Soon enough, however, the monkeys came into view.

When Fitz saw them, a genuine smile appeared on his face. Jemma swore she saw a skip in his step as he rushed off to greet them.

It was then that her tears came. She didn’t realize her eyes could hold that much water until they spilled over. The tears were cold as they streamed down her face—which was actually quite nice on the hot summer’s day. Jemma didn’t dare wipe them off. She knew that she needed to feel them now—as she couldn’t afford to feel them later.

As she watched Fitz’s fascination with the monkeys in the distance, something she had been fighting within herself finally surrendered:

It was true. Fitz was better off without her.

**Author's Note:**

> Loved to hear from you in the comments! Sorry (not sorry) for the feels!


End file.
